Thursday, February 12, 2015
P.S Consistency, you little hobgoblin.
consistency |kənˈsistənsē|(also consistence |-təns|)noun ( pl. consistencies )1 conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness: the grading system is to be streamlined to ensure greater consistency.• the achievement of a level of performance that does not vary greatly in quality over time: his principal problem in tennis has been consistency.2 the way in which a substance, typically a liquid, holds together; thickness or viscosity: the sauce has the consistency of creamed butter.ORIGIN late 16th cent. (denoting permanence of form): from late Latinconsistentia, from consistent- ‘standing firm’ (see consistent) .P.S.Consistency is crucial for anyone's health. My being consistent in sobriety is the most important thing in my life right now, followed only by my being constant in my marriage. What I am trying to make happen is life consistency. Consistent in the quality and quantity of the foods I put in my body, consistent in the way I move my body and in the frequency that I exercise. I have not been particularly consistent in a way that allows for the creation of this kind of lifestyle, but here goes.
Consistency you little hobgoblin.
I have been flirting with consistency forever. Right now, we're not seeing eye to eye. Don't get me wrong, I have been consistent in the most important area of my life right now- I am sober!!! Happy dance, patting myself on the back, and YAY me!! After I stopped drinking I actually thought I would lose some weight, after all there would be no more empty wine calories being consumed in mass quantities, followed by the blood sugar crashing binge. However, at virtually the same time I gave up alcohol, I gave myself permission to go ahead and have that chocolate because shit, I deserve it for getting sober. Or skittles, or Swedish fish or insert junky sugary thing here, because I am still not drinking. Ugh.
Weird thing. I have the same exact thought process about sugar that I had with alcohol. The tug of war - should I, shouldn't I, justification, rationalization. I've effectively traded one addiction for another. This quitting sugar is not going to be easy. And it's got to happen because I have managed to gain weight, not to lose it. Sugar is a drug. It doesn't have a home in any food group. And when I talk about sugar I am talking about the refined and processed kind, not the kind naturally found in whole foods. Sugar is not my friend, it is a tasty, temping bitch that is mostly making me feel yuck. Later. The consistent giving in to the call of sugar is not serving me.
Consistent movement has, by contrast, been elusive. I will blame the weather, cold snowy Vermont, or the seasonal lack of motivation that comes with all of this darkness. I can procrastinate like it's my job, until it's too late in the day and I actually have to go to my job. I will putter around my house doing all sorts of things that aren't exercise, but HAVE to be done because . . . because why? I always feel better after I workout. I feel better during my workout. It is the cure. The righteous, sweaty cure. For pretty much everything. Why the hell is it like pulling fucking teeth to get there? I don't know, but if I ever figure it out I will tell the world.
So in order to lose the weight I have recently gained in my consistent state of sobriety and chocolate bingeing, I need to be more consistent, and more than that, focused, with my exercise routine. Easy math. I am a professional after all. I have the information, I can do this, everyone can do this. Why is it so easy to fall out of step with ourselves? Why are we so much our own worst enemy? Critic? Roadblock? Humans are so strange. So freaking funny.
Weird thing. I have the same exact thought process about sugar that I had with alcohol. The tug of war - should I, shouldn't I, justification, rationalization. I've effectively traded one addiction for another. This quitting sugar is not going to be easy. And it's got to happen because I have managed to gain weight, not to lose it. Sugar is a drug. It doesn't have a home in any food group. And when I talk about sugar I am talking about the refined and processed kind, not the kind naturally found in whole foods. Sugar is not my friend, it is a tasty, temping bitch that is mostly making me feel yuck. Later. The consistent giving in to the call of sugar is not serving me.
Consistent movement has, by contrast, been elusive. I will blame the weather, cold snowy Vermont, or the seasonal lack of motivation that comes with all of this darkness. I can procrastinate like it's my job, until it's too late in the day and I actually have to go to my job. I will putter around my house doing all sorts of things that aren't exercise, but HAVE to be done because . . . because why? I always feel better after I workout. I feel better during my workout. It is the cure. The righteous, sweaty cure. For pretty much everything. Why the hell is it like pulling fucking teeth to get there? I don't know, but if I ever figure it out I will tell the world.
So in order to lose the weight I have recently gained in my consistent state of sobriety and chocolate bingeing, I need to be more consistent, and more than that, focused, with my exercise routine. Easy math. I am a professional after all. I have the information, I can do this, everyone can do this. Why is it so easy to fall out of step with ourselves? Why are we so much our own worst enemy? Critic? Roadblock? Humans are so strange. So freaking funny.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Do as I say, not as I do.
This might be a very bad idea. Having a blog I mean. Introductions are definitely in order. Hi, I'm Beth, I am a married 53 year old woman living in Southern Vermont with my husband and big yellow dog. We live in a tiny bungalow in various stages of renovation. I help pay the bills by cooking at my local food co-op. I make seriously good tofu. I should, I've been doing it for 21 years. My husband is an RN at a private high school. He loves his job. I love my co-workers.
I have a degree in History from the University of Vermont. It took over ten years, but I graduated. I have recurring dreams that UVM calls saying that it was a mistake and I have to give back that piece of paper pronto. I'm making them look bad. So, clearly I'm not using that degree. Unless I watch Jeopardy and they have a Medieval and Renaissance art category. At those times I am gratified and justified that those ten years were not wasted.
I am also a Certified Personal Trainer, and group exercise instructor. I pursued this area of study a few years back because I thought it would be a great way of making some money doing something I love doing (exercising), and I'd maybe help some people like myself who have trouble staying on track with fitness and weight blah, blah, blah. Hubris. There are more CPTs out there with all kinds of other letters after their names than there are lawyers. As an industry its a bit of a stew. Lots of great science, lots of crap. Navigating it is an exercise in self-loathing. Plus, there is no money in it. Unless you are Tony Horton.
So, this blog is an experiment. I'm hoping to define my purpose- to myself first, and through that definition, to find and grow my passion. Lofty.
Right. So to the heart of the matter. Health food chef, fitness professional, dunt, dunt, dah . . . alcoholic. One of these things. Not like the others. This is me admitting that I have been a total hypocrite and fraud. How can I, the hot mess that I am, possibly hold myself up as an example of health? I may look pretty healthy, but trust me I am not. And I do want to be.
Walking the walk is my forum for brutal honesty. It is my hope that I will learn through my continued sobriety to truly be healthy in all areas of my little life. Its not special, its ridiculously normal, there are millions like me. That is actually comforting. Sharing like this is being accountable. This journey is mine, I'll try really hard to be authentic, relevant and maybe even helpful to anyone who is remotely interested. Plus there will be handstands.
I have a degree in History from the University of Vermont. It took over ten years, but I graduated. I have recurring dreams that UVM calls saying that it was a mistake and I have to give back that piece of paper pronto. I'm making them look bad. So, clearly I'm not using that degree. Unless I watch Jeopardy and they have a Medieval and Renaissance art category. At those times I am gratified and justified that those ten years were not wasted.
I am also a Certified Personal Trainer, and group exercise instructor. I pursued this area of study a few years back because I thought it would be a great way of making some money doing something I love doing (exercising), and I'd maybe help some people like myself who have trouble staying on track with fitness and weight blah, blah, blah. Hubris. There are more CPTs out there with all kinds of other letters after their names than there are lawyers. As an industry its a bit of a stew. Lots of great science, lots of crap. Navigating it is an exercise in self-loathing. Plus, there is no money in it. Unless you are Tony Horton.
So, this blog is an experiment. I'm hoping to define my purpose- to myself first, and through that definition, to find and grow my passion. Lofty.
Right. So to the heart of the matter. Health food chef, fitness professional, dunt, dunt, dah . . . alcoholic. One of these things. Not like the others. This is me admitting that I have been a total hypocrite and fraud. How can I, the hot mess that I am, possibly hold myself up as an example of health? I may look pretty healthy, but trust me I am not. And I do want to be.
Walking the walk is my forum for brutal honesty. It is my hope that I will learn through my continued sobriety to truly be healthy in all areas of my little life. Its not special, its ridiculously normal, there are millions like me. That is actually comforting. Sharing like this is being accountable. This journey is mine, I'll try really hard to be authentic, relevant and maybe even helpful to anyone who is remotely interested. Plus there will be handstands.
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