Do as I say, not as I do.

This might be a very bad idea. Having a blog I mean. Introductions are definitely in order. Hi, I'm Beth, I am a married 53 year old woman living in Southern Vermont with my husband and big yellow dog. We live in a tiny bungalow in various stages of renovation. I help pay the bills by cooking at my local food co-op. I make seriously good tofu. I should, I've been doing it for 21 years. My husband is an RN at a private high school. He loves his job. I love my co-workers.
   I have a degree in History from the University of Vermont. It took over ten years, but I graduated. I have recurring dreams that UVM calls saying that it was a mistake and I have to give back that piece of paper pronto. I'm making them look bad. So, clearly I'm not using that degree. Unless I watch Jeopardy and they have a Medieval and Renaissance art category. At those times I am gratified and justified that those ten years were not wasted.
   I am also a Certified Personal Trainer, and group exercise instructor. I pursued this area of study a few years back because I thought it would be a great way of making some money doing something I love doing (exercising), and I'd maybe help some people like myself who have trouble staying on track with fitness and weight blah, blah, blah. Hubris. There are more CPTs out there with all kinds of other letters after their names than there are lawyers. As an industry its a bit of a stew. Lots of great science, lots of crap. Navigating it is an exercise in self-loathing. Plus, there is no money in it. Unless you are Tony Horton.
   So, this blog is an experiment. I'm hoping to define my purpose- to myself first, and through that definition, to find and grow my passion. Lofty.
   Right. So to the heart of the matter. Health food chef, fitness professional, dunt, dunt, dah . . . alcoholic. One of these things. Not like the others. This is me admitting that I have been a total hypocrite and fraud. How can I, the hot mess that I am, possibly hold myself up as an example of health? I may look pretty healthy, but trust me I am not. And I do want to be.
    Walking the walk is my forum for brutal honesty. It is my hope that I will learn through my continued sobriety to truly be healthy in all areas of my little life. Its not special, its ridiculously normal, there are millions like me. That is actually comforting. Sharing like this is being accountable. This journey is mine, I'll try really hard to be authentic, relevant and maybe even helpful to anyone who is remotely interested. Plus there will be handstands.